No sé que es esto
Esto lo escribí hace algunas semanas, después de la última charla que derivó en la palada de tierra que tapó cualquier posibilidad de tener algo similar a la compañía de otro ser humano. Mi loquera dice que si no puedo decirlo, que por ahora me arregle escribiendo, así que ahí va.
UPDATE: en los comments alguien dejó la versión en español. Se agradece.
Our conversation today destroyed me. It didn't shock me, it wasn't a wake up call, it just plain destroyed me. Knowing that you want so many things, but you want them without me, is demolishing; specially when I don't want anything without you.
I've felt this knot in the back of my throat for hours now, since the moment I stopped breathing, when you spoke to me, until now that I feel the need to write this because I know that there's no other way that I will be able to let you know all that I'm going through here.
It's a shame that the way I acted in a situation that was totally new to me has had such a negative influence in the way you see me; and also that this stupid thing I did doesn't allow you to remember the way I've always behaved during all this time that we've known each other. It is really sad for me that the only way that you think things will get better is keeping me away. Specially because I need you to be close to me.
The worst part for me, what really kills me, is the fact that I won't be seeing you anymore. You won't be around telling me about your long hours at work, or how hard you're studying, or about yourself.
I trust that there are questions that you want me to answer, and as pathetic as it sounds, I will wait forever for you to show up and ask me; because you're sweet, funny and inteligent, and I don't want you out of my life, but I also have to respect the decision that you have made.
There's nothing I would have wanted more than make you feel good; helping you reach a quiet and happy place that would have put behind you all the crap that you went through over the years. I wish you would have picked me to be with you, because all this time that we spent together made me realize that any problem can be solved easier when someone who cares for you is holding your hand. And I care for you; and there's nothing better for me than holding your hand.
From me, this is goodbye. I'll wait for you until the day I forget your full name. Which is very sad, because we both know that it won't ever happen
Etiquetas: My life
posted by Fernando @ 09:43
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