Rock ain't dead - A negative view of this piece-of-shit world

Nothing gets you ready for marriage, man; nothing.

No one tells you that once you get married you will never fuck again.
If you like fucking, marriage ain't for you!
I haven't fucked in seven years! I´ve had intercourse.

I hate intercourse!

Intercourse is what you get when you're fresh out of the shower, on nice sheets; fucking's in the back of a rental car, that's fucking!

Nobody gets you ready for that shit. Nobody tells you that once you get married you will never get pussy again! If you like pussy, marriage ain't for you!
I haven't had pussy in seven years! I've had vagina.

I hate vagina!

I came out of a vagina, and as soon as I got out I said "man, I have to get me some pussy!"

What they don't tell you is that married women don't have pussies; married women have vaginas.
When you go to a wedding, and the woman is throwing the bouquet, she ain't throwing a bouquet, she's throwing the pussy!

- I won't be needing this no more!

And the woman that catches it is the next one to get married, you know why? 'cause now she has two pussies!

But it ain't just men that lose out on a marriage, women, you all lose out too. Once you get married he will never lick your pussy again. Pussy, vagina, whatever the fuck you wanna call it; He will never lick your pussy again. I see some married women with tears in their eyes right now. He will never lick your pussy again.

- Forever, ever?
- Forever, ever!

But don't get me wrong, ladies: he'll give it one coat; but he ain't gonna put the finish on it like he used to; he used to put a spit shine on your pussy. The pussy'd be so bright you had to put shades on just to look at it. There'd be a little sticker next to the pussy 'objects in pussy may appear closer than they actually are'.

No more blowjobs, fellows; if you get married, no more blowjobs. If you like blowjobs, marriage ain't for you!
I haven't had a blowjob in seven years! I've had felatio.

I hate it!

When you're single, you get the best blowjobs in the world! eight, twelve, fifteen minutes straight! like the girl is auditioning on your dick!

When you get married, shit! Every married man I know gets the same lazy-ass blowjob. After three licks she goes '- Is it hard? put it in. I've got to fold these clothes'
What kind of lazy-ass blowjob is that? If we were at a restaurant, I'd send it back!

'- Waiter, this blowjob ain't ready!'

Marriage is tough, man. Here's how tough marriage is: marriage is so tough that Nelson Mandela got a divorce. Nelson Mandela spent twenty seven years in a South African prison. Got beaten and tortured everyday for twenty seven years. Made him do hard labor in the 100º south african heat and did it with no problem.
Got out of jail, after twenty seven years of torture, spent six months with his wife and said 'I can't take this shit!!'.